What PC told Edmo & Alex

[Suffolk Blue]

In downtown Dallas, it was 3pm and hotter than a coyote’s hoo-hah. The man in the stetson buffalo hat and classic amarillo crocodile skin stacked heels stared wistfully from his penthouse apartment at the two limeys in blue tracksuits as they disappeared in the back of a Lincoln town car as it gracefully pulled out of the company lot and onto Rattlesnake Canyon Boulevard wending its way to Terminal D at Dallas/Fort Worth.

“Miss Van Horn” he breathed into the stainless steel intercom, squinting at the brightness of his reflection. “Papa Paul?” came the disembodied reply from the neighbouring ante-chamber. “Miss Van Horn, come you come into my office for a moment” he said. The reply when it came was tinged with a drawl that belied the million dollar prep school and college education. “Be raht wit yer shugga”.

Ten seconds later the bustling bleach blond shape of Lola Van Horn flowed into the room followed immediately by the heavy scent of jasmin and dogwood. Coyly she flashed her pearly whites, her tongue toying with the Mont Blanc that he’d given her for Christmas. “Need nuther meemo, darlin?” she asked quizzically.

“Lola, would you be kind enough to read me back the minutes of the meeting with the boys?” For a second she looked confused. Boys, what boys? Finally the penny dropped. “Oh you mean the Inglish soccer guys from Bar-roh City, Inglan?” PC tutted loudly. “Barrow is a town Lola. I’ve already told you that”. “Oh yeah” she giggled “Bar-roh Town Soccer Club”. “No, no, no Lola, Barrow Town is an entirely different……..oh never mind – just read me the bullets will you please?”

Lola stared at her pad intently and took a deep breath, desperately trying to repeat the words in the way in which he had dictated them to her. Finally, she managed to put on her most professional transatlantic secretarial tone. “The Commandments” she began.

“Point 1 – Set Realistic Goals. Boys you’ve done really well to gain promotion in Year 1. You are ahead of schedule. I expect you to
be competitive in Year 2, maybe even challenging for honours. But boys this is a five year project. You must consolidate
and build. Don’t overplay your hand. This ain't Texas Hold'em
Point 2 – Evolution not Revolution. We will consolidate and build by developing our resources where we can, rather than by
replacing them. Successful squads tend to be those that are based on solid relationships rather than by a band of has-been
household names
Point 3 – Build from the Back. We all love a striker. But the fact is we conceded too many goals last season for a Championship
winning side. Even with the best centre back pairing in the division. We have good options up front. Build from the back
and the front will take care of itself.
Point 4 – Invest in Versatility. Make sure when buying players that they can use both feet or can play in more than one position. We
suffered in the last campaign when players in key roles were missing
Point 5 – Invest in Leadership. We need movers and shakers not wimps and wall-flowers
Point 6 – Accumulate don’t speculate. Just because we can now attract some familiar names doesn’t mean we go buy ‘em. Make
sure we acquire players with proven abilities at this level.
Point 7 – Mid Season Review. We didn’t win the league last year with the acquisitions we made pre-season. We won it with the
additions we made mid-season. If we are challenging at Christmas we may decide to push the boat out again. It not we
make certain that we are in a position to do so next season.”

Lola paused for breath “Thad it shugga?” she said with a smile that would melt a bar of Hersheys finest chocolate chip. “Yes that’s it” he smiled before adding “though perhaps I should’ve said something about those goddamn toilets”.

Well at least that’s the way I like to think it went.

[bigcod 321]

are you smoking something? lol made me chuckle!

[Cringle]

Brilliant!

[blue nige]

FOR ONCE I'M LOST FOR WORDS!

[blue]

Lol best thing I've read in ages ..

[walney rock]

Gotta be in with a shout for post of the year

[Chris Benoit]

TL;DR.

This should be in the off topic section.

[PumpItUp]

[SwearFilter] sake

[BAFC_SAM]

Worst thing I've ever read.

[boyliegladbach]

TL;DR.

This should be in the off topic section.

Should be in the bin.

[Roadrunner]

TL;DR.

This should be in the off topic section.

Should be in the bin.

agreed, a waste of time

[Wintergreen]

Reminiscent of Give ‘Em Beans type material; things were simpler and more fun in the Xerox era methinks. With a sporadic/monthly issue there was no time, mechanism or inclination for wind-ups and bitching.

[Suffolk Blue]

In hindsight, I agree. I think the thread should now be removed and I apologise for my undue levity at the Owners expense during a long and rather boring off- season. This forum is not the place for literary criticism.

Lets get back to cussin and bitchin - sorry, slipping back into it again.

Bring Back a former member of this forum

[tictactoe]

brilliant

[mickmike wilson]

Y'all need to relax